Coming upon a year

Dear Rachel,

Almost a year has now passed, and I’ve missed you every moment of it. The memories of our last hours together are arriving and closing in on me, only this time I have the knowledge of what could never have been predicted.  I am still very resistant of this reality, only slowly edging toward its acceptance.

Now it’s another cold and snowy Minnesota winter, melancholy and predictable in its unpredictable ways. I recall swearing I would never live another winter in this climate, after the last. We had talked on and on about moving away after your graduation, fantasizing about our options; mainly Hawaii, California, Oregon and Washington, so you could get your teaching license and I could find work in natural resources. I was so silly to think that they would come to fruition; what is life, but a dream.

What has been the point of so much of this life anyway? You were so filled with earthly knowledge, and the desire to gain understanding. All of the years we spend, all of your energy poured into selfless social politics. And in a moment’s time, it’s gone, or is it? I cannot pretend to know or have any understanding of life’s purpose. It is not for me to have faith in an unfounded belief, nor was it yours. But there is some system to this chaos of existence, and I have to respect that this knowledge is greater than the individual.

I have vivid memories of you and I bantering on the sofas in the living room, about the injustice and inequality created within human society. The whys and hows. You were always up to bat for the downtrodden, underrepresented, and disadvantaged. I played devil’s advocate to stir you up, and you’d shut up instead of argue with me. I’m sure the reality of human apathy was too painful for you, as it is still for me.

Sierra has missed out on far too many walks this year, to her dismay. The motivation that you had for taking care of others and creatures, and other’s creatures was so beautiful. I was so grateful for everyday that they had you; certainly it was an equal blessing to me.

I have many fond memories of our days. Like the night you returned home absolutely elated, floating on the adrenaline of having met your hero. After attending a presentation by Jonathan Kozol at Blake, he asked you to join him for coffee.
You had a life changing conversation with him, dropped him off at his hotel and returned ecstatic with his phone number! I recall how much that conversation had meant to you, how you called home to tell your mom, and how inspired it left you.

This past Thanksgiving Kevin mentioned to me that he was reading a Kozal book. I was embarrassed to be naïve, the subject matter not being my forte; I had always leaned on you for the knowledge. Thank you for providing me with it, and sharing your passion for justice and education with me.

You demonstrated courage, will, fearlessness, love, compassion, desire, and inspiration daily.

There are few people who live their lives with the legacy you left with; for most, as well as for me, it will only ever be a virtue.

Peace be with you -E